Are You Awake?
by kaymbee
Summary: Only one bed in her infirmary was still filled, but that one occupant concerned Poppy Pomfrey greatly. It was going to take a different kind of medicine than Poppy could provide to rouse Lavender Brown from her bed.


Poppy Pomfrey was troubled.

Only one bed in her infirmary was still filled, but that one occupant concerned Poppy greatly. There was no need for the girl to still be here. Her wounds were healed - scarred, yes, but no longer open. It was highly unlikely that she would have any lycanthropic symptoms. Perhaps, similar to Bill Weasley, a greater appreciation for rare steak. No, physically, the girl was fine. Mentally, and emotionally, well, it was going to take a different kind of medicine than Poppy could provide to rouse Lavender Brown from her bed. Poppy reached for parchment and a quill and began to write a note to Parvati Patil.

--

"Lavender? Are you awake?"

Lavender squeezed her eyes tighter. If she kept her eyes closed, Parvati might think she was asleep. If she kept her eyes closed, Lavender could pretend she wasn't here in this bed.

"Lavender? It's Parvati. We're all really - I mean, if you're asleep, I can come back. But, um. Madam Pomfrey says you're doing well."

Lavender tried to breathe without moving her chest.

"I'll come back," Parvati said, and Lavender felt guilty for the note of defeat in Parvati's voice.

--

"Lavender? It's Hermione. Are you awake?"

The chair next to the bed scraped. Lavender waited for the telltale thump of a bookbag hitting the floor, but there was none.

"Neville told me what your year was like. I'm sorry, Lavender. It must have been hell. Ours was - well. One day we'll sit in the Three Broomsticks all day, and I'll tell you about it." Hermione paused. It was possibly the longest thing Hermione had ever said to Lavender without the words "I read" or "homework".

"Look, Lavender, I want to apologize. I wasn't very nice to you last year, and I - I'm sorry. I hope you can forgive me."

--

"Lavender? It's Neville."

"And Hannah."

"Madam Pomfrey said you could have two visitors, so long as we were quiet."

"I made Neville promise not to sing. You have no idea how grateful you should be."

Lavender cracked an eye open. Neville and Hannah sat by the bed, hands entwined, Hannah's blonde hair falling around her shoulders instead of her usual pigtails. Lavender felt a spark of warmth run through her veins. She was pleased to see Neville happy.

"Everyone wants to see you, Lavender," Neville said. "We've been putting the Great Hall back together. Dean and Luna have been painting. Did you know Luna could draw? We didn't either. She just picked up one of Dean's brushes the other day and started these amazing pictures."

Hannah leaned over and squeezed Lavender's hand. It took all of Lavender's self control not to jerk away.

"Please, Lavender. As soon as you're ready, just... come down. Come back to us."

--

"Lavender? It's Seamus. How are you?"

She rolled over and looked at him. Bright blue eyes surrounded by freckles and scars, heavy with understanding. What did he see when he looked at her?

"Yeah. Me too. It's a madhouse down there, thought I'd come hide up here for a while."

She reached out and took his hand. He brushed a strand of hair off her forehead.

"You just go on and take your time, Lavender. We're not going anywhere."

--

"Uh, Lavender? Are you awake? It's Ron. I, uh, bought you a visitor."

She kept her eyes closed.

"My name's Bill. Greyback attacked me a year ago."

Lavender opened her eyes.

--

"Lavender? It's Harry. Parvati said you could have visitors. I just wanted to say sorry. And thanks, I guess, but mainly sorry."

Lavender sat up as the door closed behind Harry. She gazed thoughtfully at the door, and it took her a minute to notice the redhead sitting by the bed. She froze in shock as Ginny spoke. "He means it. He really is sorry."

Ginny placed a book and quill on the bed beside Lavender. "This might help," she said. "Sometimes, writing stuff down, how you feel, and that, it can help."

Lavender waited until Ginny had left to open the book and stroke the creamy white parchment.

--

"Miss Brown? May I come in?"

Lavender placed her book and ink-stained quill on the bedside table as Professor McGonagall entered.

"Miss Brown - Lavender - I've been in contact with your parents. I've assured them you are in no immediate danger. They have asked me to let you know they will be here in a day or two. Madam Pomfrey advises you are quite strong enough to travel, if you wish to go home with them." Professor McGonagall looked at her and patted her hand. "If you wish to stay, of course, you may. Your classmates are redesigning the castle quite beautifully."

Lavender opened her book and resumed writing.

--

"Lavender, dear? Mr Corner is here to see you."

Madam Pomfrey smiled affectionately at Lavender as she let Michael in on her way out. Michael sat down, resting his hands on the edge of her bed. His hands, with the scratches and wounds that Lavender had spent hours healing and stroking and kissing. The hands that had once tangled in her hair and brushed away her tears.

Lavender held out her book. He started reading silently as Lavender finally let herself cry.

--

"Lavender?"

Parvati didn't wait for a response this time. Lavender looked up in surprise as Parvati kicked the door shut, her arms full of robes and dresses and hairbrushes and glitter.

"This is getting ridiculous, Lavender. You're not talking to anyone, and we know - _we know_ that you're perfectly healthy. So you're getting dressed, and you're coming downstairs with me. It's Dean's birthday, and we're having a little party. I've bought all your favourite clothes. You can wear robes, but it's a lovely day and Dean wants to have lunch out by the lake, so I thought you might like your blue dress."

Parvati dumped her armload on the bed next to Lavender.

"I've spoken to Madam Pomfrey and she says you can use the shower next to her office, rather than head all the way back to Gryffindor. So come on, up you get."

"No," Lavender whispered, her voice croaky. She tried again. "No, Parvati, I can't."

Parvati dropped into the chair and waved her arms dramatically. "Why not?" Parvati had never been one for subtlety.

"Look at me, Parvati. I'm - I'm not - I can't go out like this. I look hideous. I'm useless, honestly. Everyone else managed to defend themselves and be useful and that, but no, not Lavender! First I fall over the bloody balcony like some idiot little girl, so I couldn't fight in the end anyway, but that's not enough, no. Then I have to go and get all torn up by a bloody werewolf, so I'm horrible and ugly as well as stupid and useless. And it _hurts_, Parvati," Lavender sobbed. "I can't lift my arms, because it stretches the scars on my chest. I can't turn my neck, because the one behind my ear opens up. And I know it's stupid, and I know I'm lucky to be alive, but I don't know what I am now. I was never smart, or popular or special, but I was pretty, Parvati. It's shallow and stupid, but it's what I had. And now I don't. Look at me. I'm a mess. Everyone downstairs - I can't face them, Parvati, I just can't."

"No. You look at me, Lavender. Look at my arms," Parvati held her bare arms out. She wore a short denim skirt and a sparkly, sleeveless black top. A handful of scars, white and pale pink and red, crossed her forearms. "We're all scarred, Lavender. We all did things this year and that day that we're not proud of. We did what was necessary. It wasn't pretty. But it doesn't make us ugly. It makes us real. Go downstairs and look at Luna Lovegood. She'll have a scar on her left wrist. It'll be about seven months old. Three or four centimetres long. Caused by a Scalding Hex. I know this, because I did it. We had detention, and he made me..." Parvati paused, and Lavender was entranced. "I'm not proud of that. I will regret that every day for the rest of my life. I should have been strong enough to say no. I wasn't then. See this scar?" She traced her finger along her right elbow. "I got this one from Alecto for refusing to Crucio some Hufflepuff kid. I still don't know his name. I will treasure this scar forever. Because this one reminds me that I was brave enough. Your scars - they show the world that you were brave enough to stay. You were brave enough to fight. You fought, Lavender, and you won. Those scars don't make you ugly, honey, those scars make you Lavender."

Lavender got out of bed and hugged Parvati tightly.

"Damn, girl, you made me give a speech. Don't tell Neville, he'll never let me hear the end of it."

"Deal," Lavender said, a little bit shakily. "I'm, uh, going to have a shower. Can you get that dress ready for me?"

_the end_


End file.
